i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
