Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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