there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
