I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
