Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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