What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
