He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
