Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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