Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
