her vagine was all disorganized.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
