You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
