yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
