My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
