My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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