Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
