Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
