it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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