If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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