Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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