He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
