you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
