Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
