totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
