I wish my penis had an off switch
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
