he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
