I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
