god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
