Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
