Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
