don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
