Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
