i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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