We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
