he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
