I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
