i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
