in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
whose ass print is on the piano?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
