It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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