U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
