There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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