dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
