please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
