Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
