im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
