dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
