I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
