New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
