hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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