this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
