Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
