ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
