Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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