we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
