Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
