yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
