Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
