I wish my penis had an off switch
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
