I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
