If that was your dad, he is hot
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
