so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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