my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
