by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
When are your genitals available?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
