Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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