ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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