she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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