Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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