I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
