I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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