5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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