I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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